The End of the Waiting...

After a much anticipated 3 weeks of prayer, fasting and lots of lessons learned, I ended my day at school in Nashville and headed south to Birmingham to meet our families.  I remember sitting in my classroom, at the end of the day, with multiple teachers stopping by to give me a hug, pray with me or tell me that they are here if I need anything.  Julie was the last one out of my classroom, and as I sat with her, we shared tears, laughter & then a prayer that God would be present in the doctors office the next day.
  I headed home, got the car packed & Jarod and I made the trip to Birmingham.  I remember driving in the car, reading the last of I Will Carry You trusting that God would surround us the next day with His peace.  We spent the night at my mom & dad's house.  I don't remember sleeping much or what we did that night.  I think I was extremely distracted.  We would wake up the next morning, meet my dad & Jarod's parents at the doctor's office and have an ultrasound to what felt like to me "determine the fate of my child."  I felt confident that God would allow my child to live as long as He see fit.  I felt confident in everything, until I started walking into the office.  Then my nerves began to overwhelm me.
  We sat in the waiting room, with our parents, all of us quiet, wondering what the next hour would bring.  My father-in-law is a pastor, and he graciously prayed for a miracle before we went into the ultrasound room.  My dad was the only one who was able to come in the room with us since he's a doctor.  We began the ultrasound and I don't think I've ever sat through something that seemed to take forever.  The doctor started by looking at the heart, lungs etc. all of which are completely normal.  After a few minutes, the doctor asked us if we wanted to know the gender.  We knew that was a possibility and were thrilled to find out that our little baby was a girl.  We had already decided her name would be Harper Katherine & we'd call her Harper-Kate.  I was thrilled.  Finding out we had a little girl seemed to ease my anxiety a bit.  As we moved toward the brain, my eyes filled with tears & I grabbed for Jarod's hand.
  From that point on, I really don't remember many of the doctor's words.  I just remember him saying that the brain had seemed to "close up" and that our baby would have a strong possibility of living outside the womb. Jarod's quote from his post on Monday where he said that “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." was the perfect quote for this moment.  Sure, there may have been a misdiagnosis at 11 weeks when she was so young, but I'm living as if everything is a miracle.  I believe God sealed the brain around her little head.  We had specifically asked for God to seal the brain, and it seemed to me that is what happened.  I still am humbled that God would listen to our specific prayer.  I couldn't have imagined that news at the doctors office that day.  I prayed for it, but I don't think actually believed that it could happen.
  With that news, came other news that our daughter could be severely handicapped.  We didn't know what her quality of life would be, but in that moment I just really didn't care. I was going to be able to nurture this little girl God had placed inside of me and that was the greatest news ever.  As we walked out of the ultrasound room to tell my mom & Jarod's parents the news I felt relief.  We were so excited to tell them both they would have their first grandaughter.  My dad explained some of the medical terms to them and then dad headed back to work.  Mom, Randy, Tammy, Jarod & I went to a coffee shop down the road.  We were all living as if everything was a miracle that day.  We sat, talked about our little girl and how we couldn't wait to meet her in February.  Mom & I went to buy her a gown with a little angel on it to remind  us always of what a little miracle & angel she is.
  I'll leave you with a picture of my smiling baby from just the other day at 5 months old.  What joy she brings me each minute of each day.